Monday, June 6, 2011

Just Don't Speak Please

This post may offend some & I am not even a little bit sorry- so here we go. You may mean well when you are talking to me &  my kids about Paul's up coming deployment by saying " This deployment isn't so bad compared to the last. No worries, he will be on a huge secure FOB. (Forward Operating Base).".

At this particular point in my pre-deployment life I neither want to hear or believe it! We just laid to rest a close friend who was also suppose to be in a "safe zone". So just DON'T SPEAK if that is the only thing you can think of to say to us. Just hug us & walk away, I would rather have a hug  then hear those words one more time from anyone.

Unless it is you going through a deployment or have been through a deployment you really have no idea the worry that comes along with the deployment.Your mind plays tricks on you & it's hard to turn the worry off. You can't even begin to compare a two day business trip or a week long training period with a whole year of your loved one in a War zone. So please don't try. I will smile most days & just walk away with out saying a word. But on any given day I could possibly lose it & snap - saying words I really don't want to say to you. If you want to help, give us all a hug & be honest tell us you have no idea how hard it is going to be. Be sincere when you offer to help us & check in on us while Paul is gone. I can always tell the people who mean it when they say it & the folks who are just saying it to be nice but hope we never call.

I love your support & could have never made it through the past ten years with out all the love.But you must understand to the best of your ability - Paul is going into a War zone, he will wear a flak vest, he will carry a gun 24/7, I will not think he is safe until he is back home in my arms where he belongs- period end of story!


Unknown said...

Oh that kind of thing makes me SO mad!!! I posted on FB last time The Hubble was deployed that I was missing him a lot at that moment. My "friend" called to "support" me. She actually told me that I should be happy The Hubble wasn't around because men make messes. Then she went on to complain about her husband. Really???? I know they mean well...but you are right. They shouldn't speak.

Even if someone HAS been through or is going through a deployment, they should just hug and walk away. Or just be there. People stick their feet in their mouths too often. And EVERY deployment is different.

Love this post! Well said!

Anonymous said...

You commented on my Positive post and I went to respond back to you via e-mail but you don't have it set up so.. THANK YOU! I e-mailed those quotes to my husband. It means a lot, thanks again for sharing those.

Lee said...

O.K. lil' sister, now that you'll allow anyone to easily comment, I will.

People can, and often do, contract foot in mouth disease. Just try to remember that these people cannot relate to your experience, but they are trying, as best they can, to connect with you and show their love & support. They are trying to comfort you. Most people have never served, so they may be very bad at it. Just remember their intentions.

When I train new advisors, I tell them that when they have a bad day, pick-up the phone and call their favorite client. The one who always makes them smile & laugh. Don't complain, gripe, or talk business, just visit about nothing. I have such a client in San Diego and she never fails to get me smiling & laughing. Try it. I bet visiting with one of your friends about nothing would temporarily help unwind the stress.

Know you are loved very much and your family will help in any way possible, even if you just need to call & vent on us about all the people who are making you mad!

See you in a few weeks.