Tuesday, January 10, 2012

No Superwoman Here Folks

I am now 6 months into a fourth deployment. I get told a lot of times "Amanda it'll be OK because your Superwoman!". I hate to burst everyone's bubble but I am no different then any other ordinary Army Wife who is only trying to find activities to fill the time while my soldier is away. It may appear to those who don't know me well that I am on the go a lot and juggling fifty different things at once with ease. But appearances can be deceiving. Don't think for one moment that just because I am out doing things for my children or myself that this makes my deployment experience any less exhausting and emotionally draining then anyone else. But above all please no I am NO Superwoman!!

Do I cry , Yes- yesterday it was three times. Am I exhausted & get no sleep? Yes- I am averaging if I am lucky 4 to 5 hours a night 7 days a week. Do I think because this is his fourth deployment I know everything-NO. I called another wife just this week to help out another of our unit's wives because guess what folks- I DID NOT have the answers she needed. Did I know who would, yes I hoped I did. But if I was perfect or Superwoman as some seem to think I would have never had to make a call for assistance to begin with-huh. 

I am not angry that some think I have it all together, just a little frustrated with the title. I still need hugs & told it'll be OK just like any other wife going through a deployment. I still sat in my living room floor on Christmas Eve alone crying with just the three dogs. It's hard work to keep up with all the balls I do have going in my life. But I have four boys to think about & not just myself.

I am not a person who sits around and does the "whoo is me stuff" very well. I have a hard time reading status's on Facebook like that as well when I am in the middle of a deployment. I take the attitude that if you stay busy, keep your kids happy then it just helps. But by no means does it mean I have it all together anymore then other wives out there who miss their husband. I just want my family back together just as much as anyone- but right now that's not going to happen. So I put on a smile, I do endless doctor's appointments, puppy classes, soccer, video games stuff, because it helps pass the time. Not because I want to feel exhausted. But I know sitting in my house moping around will only make the kids sad and worried as well as me a depressed hot mess!

Please remember ladies that we are all in this deployment hell together. Not one of us is any more ready for a deployment emotionally then the other. We may tell our selves "we got this", but yeah when it's time & happening to you- it is never as easy as it looks. It's a lot easier to think a person doesn't need hugs, checked in on, advice, because you are peering in from the outside. Maybe you just need to remember if you feel like crap because your soldier is leaving or gone chances are so does that wife that looks like she has it all together.

I can't say enough how much fun Friday night was for me with the two ladies who enjoyed going out with me on my anniversary. I needed the laughter, the giggles, the silly girl talk. I needed to not worry about one damn thing for those six blissful hours- they will always hold a special place in my heart for taking the time to do that for me.If you know a wife or family going through a deployment it's the really small teeny tiny things that you think make no difference that sometimes mean the most. Walk up give them a hug, tell them they are doing a great job, but you just want to know do they need anything? We may not ask for help ( I know I don't) but it's nice to hear the offer to have the sense that someone knows how hard it really is to go through. For someone to realize, you aren't Superwoman you just need a hug.

Thanks for listening to may rant, every once in awhile I just have to vent. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday this non-superhero is off for my 2 hours of "me time" at the gym, then home to laundry, puppy training, dinner, then more puppy class,oh & setting up pre-op for Jeremy at some point. That is a whole different Post though. I'll share it when I am ready- ta ta for now.