I Won't Give Up

It's funny because I keep hearing this new song everywhere this week. I really love the words. I feel like God has me listening to it over & over this week so I know I can do all the things that are set before me on my overflowing plate at the moment. I have the four boys going in all different directions in their lives. I always feel like I'm missing something where they ae concerned because there is only one grown-up in the house at the moment. I get so exhausted at times and hate when I hear myself saying "later I'll do such & such later with you". But yesterday at their parent teacher conferences all I heard was compliments on everything from their behaviors to their school work. I heard that my youngest is beyond smart & social. He is making huge strides in his behaviors this year. I learned that Jeremy for the first time EVER had conquered all his Occupational therapy goals!!-WHOO-HOO!! His OT thinks he could even not need her next year if his progress continues! This is HUGE as he has been going since he was 5 years old.

Then when I went to my oldest son's conference he presented an amazing Powerpoint presentation full of animation. He already has his future mapped out through to his graduation of Law school to passing the BAR. WOW! I look back and remember I was the same way only I just wanted to graduate from four years of college with a teaching degree. His schedule for his sophomore year is hard & he picked his classes all himself. He is so excited & enthusiastic still about school that I prayed last night God let's him succeed so his enthusiasm remains. His grades where good & his teachers love him-YAY Next came son number two who has always been the one to know which of my buttons to push. He has struggled the last two deployments only at home with me & his behavior. At times I want to scream at the top of my lungs "why why do I get all the sarcastic rude comments but you behave for everyone else?". I know this is just part of his anger about his dad being gone alot as well as his personality. He came out screaming & has never looked back. But his teachers where giving him high marks and praise. His English teacher who gave him an A actually told him " You could do better if you paid closer attention". That made my day to know she thought he could get an A+ as he has to work his tail off for his good grades unlike son #1 & #4 who are just naturally good at school. I left all the conferences thinking maybe I wasn't doing such a horrific job with the boys these past ten months on my own after all- thank you Jesus!

Then came time for the puppy- the wonderful ball of soft squishy golden fur who demands almost all my time. It was time to head to puppy class where I honestly never know how Banyan will  behave. It's gotten to the point where I was dreading Wednesday  night class every week. Last night Banyan showed up with his best service dog brain WORKING!! He did everything I asked the first time & even shocked his teacher. I train him everyday all the time. He is rarely not learning something. Even when he was swimming this week at the lake. At one point I had him come sit & wait by me while he had to watch Panzer swim. He was shaking with excitement it was very hard for him. He did so good last night it gave me hope that I am not messing up the dog either.

It's hard as a single parent even for just one year every other year lately to not get overwhelmed. I have about eight different balls I'm juggling & if one falls they all seem to crash. As I heard this song played every time I turned on the radio this week , I sang along. I realized if I just breathe and keep plugging along never give up on the kids, the dogs, the friends, or myself we will be just fine. That I have to try and be more positive when I hear other wives complain or whine (because that's what it sounds like to me ) when they only have one or two children who are ALL Healthy about how hard their life is at the moment. That this moment to them is hard!  I have to stop thinking "lady try living in my world for a day- you would not be complaining". I have to stop thinking like that so I can keep going and realize even though I have a whole big bundle of things on my plate- God knows I can handle it if I just trust him. That he has sent people into my life this year to help  me along my path if I just let them. Which I admit is hard for me to do, I hate asking for help. Another thing I think multiple deployments has made me, very overly independent. It's not a bad thing just something I need to work on for myself to not feel so overwhelmed. 
Anyway back to the song, I love the words and the sound. It makes me teary every-time because it reminds me so much of all the struggles as a wife & mom I go through while Paul is away. That I know I won't give up- I can't because I love my family to much.

I live for my family & they ask for a lot in return my love- oh wait that isn't hard to give. The boys love me no matter what kind of day I'm having. Even the dogs love me when I'm exhausted and the tears flow. They know mom's good she won't give up on us, even though the skies have gotten rough. She never has before & she never will.

Tune Time Thursday

Well in case you missed my post yesterday the husband finally got on his way for deployment number four  :0(   As we where having some lunch at McDonalds at his request- they had the satellite radio station playing. I swear every song that came on was making me depressed! First we had 3 Doors Down- Here with out you- which my husband was like "hmmm, that's from the first deployment.". Then we had Daughtry- Home, I was thinking that was deployment number three-LOL. Then we both stopped & thought seriously we know songs by deployment time frames something is wrong with that! Then one more song came on just for giggles after I dropped him off to leave- Nickleback- Faraway- OH MY!! The tears where flowing at that point & I thought " You have got to be kidding!!". So I am really at a loss as to what song to pick- today, so I went with another deployment favorite for when I need to cry since that seemed to be the theme of the day yesterday. Here you go ladies, sorry ahead of time if you cry- but I honestly had no other songs pop into my head.

 YEP - deployment number two favorite was Avril LaVigne & When your Gone.

It makes me tear up to watch the video- gotten over hearing the song. But it's still a good deployment tune- so I linked it up with Amber one more time over at Goodnight moon. Head on over there yourself to listen to some good music & link up as well.

Now I am off to wallowing with a battle buddy whose husband left for a short month but it still stinks! At least we have a few weeks to have our "girl time" before they PCS in August. Have a good day everyone , see you next Thursday!

Tune Time Thursday

I have had quite the week & really haven't had time to enjoy much music this week. But after some thought last night I decided to Honor my Daddy since Father's Day is approaching. My dad is so amazing as most little girls do I  think my dad is the best. He is always available for me to call even when he is in the middle of work. He loves to take all my boys every where with him when he get's the chance.He is the best example of what a good christian father should be & I love that my boys adore him. I can only hope that all the summers they are blessed to spend with him his kind ways & christian example leaves an imprint on their hearts. I can never say thank you enough for all he has done for me. I hope he always know how much I love him & am so thankful God brought him into my mom's life so he could become my dad.

I have two songs to share as both are great & I couldn't pick just one. The first is Holly Dunn & Daddy's Hands. I couldn't find a good video with just Holly so I picked one that included Dolly Parton as well.

My second pick is Brad Paisley's  He didn't have to be. This song makes me cry everytime. For all those dad's that chose to be a daddy when they didn't have to be you have my admiration & respect.

Now don't forget you can go link up with Amber over at Goodnight Moon to hear more fabulous song picks of the week. I look forward to it every Thursday!

Tune Time

This week I really didn't have a song in mind until I was driving down the road into town yesterday morning. Good Ole Elton John came on & I found myself singing along with him to " I guess that's why they call it the Blues". The words seem to fit my mood for the week with all the stress of getting ready for my man to leave. As well as I could totally hear my husband saying parts of the song to me.

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second
Without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man

Without me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself

Yes those are the words that made tears form in my eyes yet again yesterday. So I decided to pick Sir Elton John for today's Tune to link up with Amber from Goodnight Moon. Now you go link up as well & enjoy some fabulous music picks by other lovely Bloggers. It's a great way to start your Thursday. 

Thursday's Tune Time

I have had so much going on this week since Sunday that I wasn't sure I would have time today to get this post up so I scheduled it on Tuesday night.My whole week my emotions have been all over the place. At times I am laughing, then crying, then exhausted & in need of sleep. I honestly wonder if this is a test of some sort- I sure hope not. If you read my earlier post on Monday Unimaginable Heartache  then you know why I am all over the emotional spectrum this week.

When you watch a loved one suffer & loose someone that is so important in their life it really shakes you to the core. I chose my song after listening to it on the radio Tuesday afternoon. I was waiting on my son to get out of school & Pearl Jam's Just Breathe came on the radio. Tears immediately sprang into my eyes as my mind went straight to Sam & the kids.I had just read her Facebook status as just meeting the other young 19 year old soldier who died along side Cliff on Sunday. I knew she & the kids where doing their best, but hurting so much. The song really hit me hard. So I share it with you all today in hope it makes you hug those you love a little tighter today. If they are deployed then email them a love note. It never hurts to say I love you over & over again to the ones that mean the most in your life.

                                RIP SFC Cliff Beatties May 22, 2011


Now I hope you head over to see Amber at Goodnight Moon link up your favorite Song of the week.