No Superwoman Here Folks

I am now 6 months into a fourth deployment. I get told a lot of times "Amanda it'll be OK because your Superwoman!". I hate to burst everyone's bubble but I am no different then any other ordinary Army Wife who is only trying to find activities to fill the time while my soldier is away. It may appear to those who don't know me well that I am on the go a lot and juggling fifty different things at once with ease. But appearances can be deceiving. Don't think for one moment that just because I am out doing things for my children or myself that this makes my deployment experience any less exhausting and emotionally draining then anyone else. But above all please no I am NO Superwoman!!

Do I cry , Yes- yesterday it was three times. Am I exhausted & get no sleep? Yes- I am averaging if I am lucky 4 to 5 hours a night 7 days a week. Do I think because this is his fourth deployment I know everything-NO. I called another wife just this week to help out another of our unit's wives because guess what folks- I DID NOT have the answers she needed. Did I know who would, yes I hoped I did. But if I was perfect or Superwoman as some seem to think I would have never had to make a call for assistance to begin with-huh. 

I am not angry that some think I have it all together, just a little frustrated with the title. I still need hugs & told it'll be OK just like any other wife going through a deployment. I still sat in my living room floor on Christmas Eve alone crying with just the three dogs. It's hard work to keep up with all the balls I do have going in my life. But I have four boys to think about & not just myself.

I am not a person who sits around and does the "whoo is me stuff" very well. I have a hard time reading status's on Facebook like that as well when I am in the middle of a deployment. I take the attitude that if you stay busy, keep your kids happy then it just helps. But by no means does it mean I have it all together anymore then other wives out there who miss their husband. I just want my family back together just as much as anyone- but right now that's not going to happen. So I put on a smile, I do endless doctor's appointments, puppy classes, soccer, video games stuff, because it helps pass the time. Not because I want to feel exhausted. But I know sitting in my house moping around will only make the kids sad and worried as well as me a depressed hot mess!

Please remember ladies that we are all in this deployment hell together. Not one of us is any more ready for a deployment emotionally then the other. We may tell our selves "we got this", but yeah when it's time & happening to you- it is never as easy as it looks. It's a lot easier to think a person doesn't need hugs, checked in on, advice, because you are peering in from the outside. Maybe you just need to remember if you feel like crap because your soldier is leaving or gone chances are so does that wife that looks like she has it all together.

I can't say enough how much fun Friday night was for me with the two ladies who enjoyed going out with me on my anniversary. I needed the laughter, the giggles, the silly girl talk. I needed to not worry about one damn thing for those six blissful hours- they will always hold a special place in my heart for taking the time to do that for me.If you know a wife or family going through a deployment it's the really small teeny tiny things that you think make no difference that sometimes mean the most. Walk up give them a hug, tell them they are doing a great job, but you just want to know do they need anything? We may not ask for help ( I know I don't) but it's nice to hear the offer to have the sense that someone knows how hard it really is to go through. For someone to realize, you aren't Superwoman you just need a hug.

Thanks for listening to may rant, every once in awhile I just have to vent. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday this non-superhero is off for my 2 hours of "me time" at the gym, then home to laundry, puppy training, dinner, then more puppy class,oh & setting up pre-op for Jeremy at some point. That is a whole different Post though. I'll share it when I am ready- ta ta for now.

Raise Your Hand

Raise your hand if your EXHAUSTED...do you see me waving frantically ? I have gone non-stop since Saturday & it has caught up with me this evening. I haven't even been able to work out since Friday  :0(  That really stinks because I love to exercise & relieve my stress. But there are only so many hours in this tired mom's day. I did do some more leg work on getting the paper work Faxed off to the Chelsea Hutchison Foundation who may be able to help us off set the cost of Banyan. Please keep prayers going that all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place in order for us to get the financial aspects taken care of for Jeremy's Service Dog Banyan. We have been blessed with the wonderful friendship of another Warrior mom who has been there & done that with all the process . She has been a wonderful guide along this crazy map. Making things so much easier when I don't understand or start feeling overwhelmed. God has truly blessed us with a great support system.

We had one wonderful family who are friends donate the wire kennel we where told Banyan would need for at least 6 or more months. Just until he learns his place is with Jeremy & Jeremy alone. That was a great relief as the purchase of new kennel is quite expensive. We've had another family who has a huge heart for animals & is an old colleague of my husband's make a personal donation as well to go towards Banyan. We are truly feeling loved & encouraged that we can do all things through Christ. He is providing after we prayed to open the doors that needed to open if this was suppose to happen. Well they are flying open almost faster then I can keep up! 

We will work on getting Jeremy a medical trust bank account opened ASAP for all the other wonderful people who have been inquiring since visiting Jeremy & Banyan's  page on facebook.  Every time I log in there are new LIKES- Thank you all so much!! I promise it will get more exciting after we pick up our new family member on Saturday. He will have a handsome fire engine red leash that was donated by another sweetheart who has his own Service Dog James. He knew we had no idea of the right type of leash to purchase. There where hundreds & I was confused!  His mom & him stepped up & handed one over for us to have- Thank You! Jeremy went & bought a red collar to match for the big day!

For the rest of the day I am laying around & letting my oldest make the mashed potatoes for dinner. I am laying low & trying to go to bed early. Hopefully to get a good night's sleep. I hope you all have a great evening as well & thank you for stopping by today.

 For our non-facebook friends- this is Jeremy yesterday shopping at Petsmart. He picked out a new bowl and other items for Banyan.